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“OFFICER, I WAS SPEEDING BECAUSE THERE'S A PIG IN MY TRUNK”
Several years ago a couple who had met at Elysium Fields decided to host a Luau there to celebrate their engagement. Along with the traditional Hawaiian decorations, costumes and drinks, the couple decided it would be really great if they could also include a roasted pig, prepared in the traditional Hawaiian way, over a spit of hot coals.
One of the other members of Elysium was a person we called “Dan the Meat Man” because he owned a food processing plant in LA and often supplied the resort with fresh cuts of beef, chicken and pork for our parties and weekend pot-luck dinners. He volunteered to provide a pig.
On the day of the luau, everything was decorated beautifully, and the guests started to arrive as planned, but Dan was running late. Very late.
Elysium was in about the middle of the 15-mile Topanga Canyon, a few miles north of Los Angeles, and the canyon was accessed by a rather winding 2-lane road. Dan admits he was exceeding the speed limit on his way up the canyon.
The motorcycle policeman pulled him over about 4 miles from his destination.
“I clocked you at 50 miles an hour in a 35 zone,” said the officer. “Why were you speeding?”
Dan replied, “I’m a nudist and I’m late for a luau. I have a dead pig in my truck I need to get there right away.”
The officer said he had never in his life heard that excuse before. After a few moment’s reflection, he told Dan that if he could prove such a wild story was true he’d let him go with a warning, otherwise Dan was going to be arrested for reckless driving and have his car towed.
Dan got out of the car, pulled his Elysium and AANR membership cards out of his wallet, and opened the trunk. Inside, the officer saw the dead pig laid out in a box of ice.
Dan arrived at Elysium a few minutes later with the pig, smiling broadly. He recounted the story and said the officer only shook his head, handed back the membership cards, and said “Get out of here!”
We often wonder what that motorcycle officer said back at the station to his buddies that night.
P.S. The luau was a great success, the couple got married and now have a lovely baby girl.