A CLUELESS MYSTERY NOVEL IN DESPERATE NEED OF AN EDITOR

I first started reading Clothing Optional about a month after it was published, and I must admit after about twenty pages I had trouble picking it up again. Apparently this is author James Arlandson’s first novel, self published. It is in desperate need of at least three things: an editor, some characters I care about, and some plot twists that I didn’t see coming fifty pages earlier.

The only reason I am reviewing this “mystery” novel at all is that the murder takes place in a restored guesthouse-turned-nudist bed and breakfast, and an Irish Catholic detective who has to cope with the usual clichés about body acceptance as he investigates the case. Frankly, if the story was placed in any other venue, the book would be a “whocares?” instead of a “whodunit.” Not only is it not a pot boiler, the “pot” doesn’t much beyond “luke warm.”

The novel centers around Conlan Daily, a former star linebacker for the Chicago Bears. He has retired to Key West, Florida, and turned police detective (don’t they always?) The murder of the owner of the Maison de Soliel B&B brings Daily to investigate, and along the way he meets the usual suspects. There is Molly White, the manager, who lives there undercover (pun intended) hiding from her abusive husband. Ron-John is the gay registration desk clerk with a secret past. We also suspect Sharon Olsson, conservative daughter of the slain owner, who inherits the business with her husband, John.

In real life, the author is a longtime member of the Cypress Cove Nudist Resort, and he takes great pains to provide the reader with an accurate description of the typical ambiance at any nudist venue: friendly but private people, enjoying the sun and a cold drink. To his credit, Arlandson does not fall into the dual traps of questioning the morals of the people who frequent such places, nor does he try to proselytize the reader on the merits of such establishments. It’s just a place where a murder took place, and the police – and our hero detective – handle the location the same as they would any other. Except for the lack of clothes, this could be any bed and breakfast, and that is indeed one of the problems with the book. There is nothing here except for the nude guests to make this location or this plot more than ordinary. There is nothing to make the usual suspects more unusual than what you might expect. What few tepid plot twists there are can be easily navigated by any avid reader of the murder mystery genre.

Another problem I had was the author’s rather pedestrian and flat style of writing. He needed to treat his characters as individuals rather than mundane stereotypes (jargon-speaking jocks, airhead-bimbo blonds, © Copyright 2006 Southern California Naturist Association, Calabasas, California. All Rights Reserved 2 of 2 etc.) I must admit I was never a fan of the writing style popularized by Mickey Spillaine of getting inside every character’s head with long expositions that tell us what that person is thinking and why. But at least Spillaine did his well; Arlandson does not, and as a result I really found it hard to get interested in any of them. A good editor would probably also help with the character development and the way the story is told. There are several chapters that seem out of sequence (for example I think the story should have begun at chapter two) and others that seem to slow down the action. Since the book was self-published, either the author could not find a publisher or else he did not want an editor tinkering with his masterpiece.

In any case, I can recommend Clothing Optional for reading on a lazy sunny day by the pool if you don’t mind never quite finishing it. Perhaps the more adventurous among you will want to read it in an airport, if just to watch the shock on the faces of other passengers who see the book title. Otherwise, I will treat this first novel as a learning experience for Mr. Arlandson, and I look forward to reading Conlan Daily’s next murder case