Reality Series with Comedy-Drama undertones, 54 min, TV Rating: PG-13, Color, Series available on DVD
The Surreal Life, which will follow six formerly famous pop-culture figures still desperate to get another 15 minutes of fame (evangelist wife Tammy Faye Baker-Messner, porn star Ron Jeremy, former “Chips” TV series star Erik Estrada, former rap star Rob Van Winkle (a.k.a Vanilla Ice), MTV Real Life-Las Vegas “hottie” Trishelle Canatella and Baywatch babe Traci Bingham) as they move into a house and room and work together in Los Angeles' San Fernando Valley. The promo reads, “Trapped without transportation, cell phones or personal assistants, they must interact with each other, share bedrooms and bathrooms, do household chores, go grocery shopping and prepare meals…together.” Yeah, whatever.
Each week, the show places them in “outrageous and life-changing events” as they work the nightshift at a famous restaurant on the Sunset Strip, take a trip to a nudist colony, go crazy at a porn pool party and tell all to Sally Jesse Raphael. The every-present cameras record the results. In other words, if The Love Boat was still on TV, this show would have no need to exist. The first 2 seasons the series aired on the WB and then moved to VH1 after low ratings caused the WB to mercifully pull its plug.
This episode had the group visiting overnight at the Desert Shadows resort in Palm Springs. Everyone is surprised at the destination, but little Tammy Faye is terrified. She bursts into tears and refuses to stay.
Back at the van, Tammy Faye tells the driver that she is NOT staying at this nudist colony and she will pay to stay at another hotel to get away from it. The rest of the gang comes out to Tammy Faye and tell her that she shouldn’t do anything she doesn’t want to. She says, “I’m not a prude, but I think that you shouldn’t see people naked unless you are married to them and I’ve listened to all the porn stuff I can deal with this week.” They kiss her goodbye and off she goes until the end of the episode.
Back at the Desert Shadows lobby, the bottomless receptionist explains about the house rules and that one must always sit on a towel when nude. Somehow, this group does not seem like it will ever get that far, although Traci is constantly muttering about how she loves to be naked, and Ron Jeremy says he will go naked if someone else in the group does too (there are no volunteers.)
After everyone changes into swimwear or shorts and they all head out to the volleyball court where the host explains they are playing the resident nudist team in a game with high stakes. If the celebs win, they get a luxurious lobster dinner. If they lose, they have to get naked and eat with the nudies in the cafeteria. The referee tells the celebs that he will give 1 point for each of them that gets naked prior to the beginning of the game. They are informed that for just removing a shirt, they are awarded half a point. Vince, Ponch, Ron and Leah all take off their tops. Vanilla Ice along with Traci, the self-proclaimed nudist, stay completely clothed. (Why didn’t Ice at least take off his shirt to help the team?) The celebs begin with a 2 point lead.
The dressed celebs win the first few points, but soon the experience of the nudist team is apparent as they soon catch up and surge ahead. With the score 12-9 in favor of Desert Shadows, and with only 15 needed for victory, the referee offered the celeb team 1 point for every one of them that took off their top. No takers, even though if they lost the game all would have to be nude for dinner. Desert Shadows slams the volleyball three times in a row and seals the celebs’ fate – dinner in the café sans clothes.
[This gentle coercion to force someone to take off their clothes seems so unlike what the naturist movement is all about! If the rules say you must be nude on the grounds then that is what should have occurred, only the celebs going to Desert Shadows should have done so knowing what was expected, and the ban on cameras should have been enforced. Ah, but this is television so I suppose any publicity is good publicity? – Ed.]
Back at their suite preparing for dinner, Traci tells Ron that she is “soooooo going to get naked.” Ice says angrily that he is not getting naked for dinner: “Getting naked with your wife on a vacation where you are alone is romantic, but getting naked with a bunch of strangers is not romantic at all.” Traci then changes her mind and says that she would get naked, because she has a fiancé. Somehow, Ron manages to get John, Traci’s fiancé on the phone, to ask his approval. Traci grabs the phone and tells her man she “will stay dressed for him.” Whatever Traci. You are all talk and no naked. Completely dressed, they all head down to the restaurant.
After downing a bottle of wine, Trishelle confesses that she’s horny and decides that naked is good. She leaves for a minute and comes back minutes later wrapped in a towel. After a couple more glasses of alcohol, she drops the towel. Sticking to his promise, Ron gets naked, too. Upon dropping his towel, this old gray haired guy sidled up to their table, pointed at Ron’s crotch and said, “Now that’s a penis!” Eric, Ice and Traci stay clothed, though Eric and Ice give Traci hell about it, I think it’s more because she’s spent so much time talking about how she loves to get naked, and yet she is obviously all talk. Estrada, on the other hand, explains why he won’t be getting naked by yelling, “I’m not getting naked. I’m Eric Estrada! I have no penis!!”
[Once again, the show is confusing nudity with sex. How I wish someone on the show would have stated this was a misconception! Another uncomfortable moment was seeing the nude guests standing around the celebs snapping photos. I thought cameras were banned at such places, and it make the whole scene feel very uncomfortable. Perhaps the celebs would have been less inhibited if there was nobody there recording their every move? - Ed.]
After dinner, the group gets up, some get redressed, and they decide to visit a Palm Springs karaoke bar. Estrada, Traci, and Trishelle demonstrate why they never will never be contestants on American Idol. They coerce an angry Vanilla Ice to lip synch to his own song at the bar, but the other patrons love it and afterwards they crowd him for pictures and autographs.
So much for thinking Palm Springs is sophisticated.
The gang is now in good spirits, so they get back in the van and heads towards Desert Shadows again – but not without first dropping off Tammy Faye at her hotel. Trishelle, Traci and Ron decide to head to the hot tub – where no clothing is mandatory.
Trish and Ron drop their towels and climb in, while Traci decides to keep her top on, but removes her bottoms once in the tub because “you can’t see anything under the bubbles.” Soon, Trishelle, Ron and all the other guests are pressuring Traci to lose her top. She says, “I will, I just have to make a phone call.” She gets out of the tub and heads back to the suite… and she never comes back. Ron gets out of the tub and finds Traci passed out in her bed in the suite. Trishelle is left alone with the other nude guests at the hot tub, who no doubt know of her affinity for being drunk in hot tubs from her Real World days. The last thing we hear is Trishelle saying, “You’re cute” to one of the naked men. Ah Trishelle… way to be yourself!
From this episode, several things become apparent:
1. For a rotund, hairy little troll of a porn star, Ron Jeremy seems to be someone who doesn’t take himself or his notoriety seriously at all. He also is a huge bore, continually trying to talk the women out of their clothes without success. Give it rest, Ron!
2. Vanilla Ice is a very angry guy, embarrassed to acknowledge the image that made him famous for fifteen minutes in the first place. He should relax and shake the hair and be thankful anyone remembers him at all.
3. Tammy Faye is trapped by her past and seems unwilling to do anything to break out of it. Absolutely happy in her ignorance. Leave her to heaven.
4. Trishelle is exactly what was first seen on Real World – a lovable wild child who will try anything once – provided she first has a few drinks.
5. Traci is all talk and no action, someone who loves the fame, but who is uncomfortable just being Traci. I hope her fiancé can detox her.
6. Erik Estrada tries very hard to still be cool, but his fifteen minutes ended years ago. Time to become a waiter again, Ponce!
7. Desert Shadows let itself be used for a shamelessly exploitive show. This episode did nothing to promote nudism except to make all of us look like gawking perverts, intent on getting unwilling people out of their clothes and exploiting the moment. Although it also showed they have a pretty good volleyball team!
Perhaps all the good moments were left on the editor’s cutting floor. But I for one am not going to tell anyone about the episode. I sincerely hope it gets erased from the WB vaults as soon as possible.
