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Name of Film: The Road to Wellville

Our Rating:
Year Released: 1994
Studio: Columbia Tri-Star
Director: Alan Parker
Awards (if any):
Principal Actors: Matthew Broderick, Anthony Hopkins, John Cusak, Bridget Fonda, Dana Carvey, Michael Lerner, Lara Flynn Boyle, Cameryn Manheim, Colm Meaney.

Comedy, 120 min, MPAA Rating: R (Nudity, Vulgar Language, Scatalogical References)
Color, Available on VHS and DVD


Anyone who ever attended a New Age (or an Elysium Institute) workshop when they were the rage two decades ago will identify with this movie.

Based on a book by T. Coraghessan Boyle, the story takes place in and around a famed Health Sanatarium (not to be confused with a sanitorium) in 1907, where Dr. John Harvey Kellogg, a Seventh Day Adventist from Battle Creek, Michigan, used a combination of health sermons and corn flakes to cleanse his adoring flock of wealthy patrons of both their sins and toxic body excrements.

As adapted for the screen by Alan Parker (who also directed), the script captures to perfection both Kellogg his spa full of other wacky, health-obsessed characters that populated parts of America at the start if the 20th Century when this silliness swept through the country the first time. The movie takes a few detours from the book, spending more time on the “free love” antics of the guests than in the original, and it tidies up the various plot lines a bit too neatly at the end. But except for those minor reservations, you will probably laugh yourself silly watching this film -- all the way to the bathroom.

The focus is split between three story lines: Kellogg, played to over-the-top perfection by Anthony Hopkins (complete with buck teeth); Will and Eleanor Lightbody (Matthew Broderick and Bridget Fonda), an unhappy young couple seeking a cure for their marital and health problems; and Charlie Ossining, a young hustler (John Cusack), who is trying to break into the breakfast-cereal business but who gets taken in the end by an even bigger hustler (Michael Lerner).

Kellogg, inventor of the corn flake, peanut butter and various medieval instruments to scrub the body inside and out, condenses his beliefs into little sayings: “The tongue is the billboard of the bowels”, “We are but lifeguards on the shores of the alimentary canal,” and “An erection is a flagpole on your grave.” His finger is always wagging at the sky when he pops these little gems throughout the film. The opening scene of his patients jogging around a tree singing “ha-ha-ha-ha!” sets the satiric mood for the rest of the film.

Kellogg also adopted 42 children, one of whom, played by Dana Carvey, is a neer-do-well who pops in to see Daddy at very inopportune moments looking for a handout, and also to ogle the naked ladies receiving their “treatments.” In a hilarious flashback to the boy’s youth, Kellogg and his son have a test of wills over hanging up his coat that will strike a chord in any parent who has had to discipline a willful child.

Upon arriving at “The San” (as the local pilgrims like to call the resort), The Lightbody’s are immediately given separate quarters, causing Will to start fantasizing about his nurse (Traci Lind) and the emaciated patient across the hallway, who has a mysterious “green sickness.” Broderick plays his character as an Everyman, trying to keep his sanity in a house of willing lunatics, all the while he is having pounds of toxic sludge blasted from his intestines by a goofy machine, too painfully funny to be described here. In another very funny scene, he is serenaded by the other patients in the mess hall, who sing “Chew Chew Chew, It’s the Right Thing to Do!” to the tune of “A Hot Time in the Old Town Tonight.” Meanwhile, Fonda eagerly explores the “Der Handebunge technique,” a vaginal stimulation practiced by another letch, a Dr Spitzvogel.

The supporting cast is also inspired. Besides Laura Flynn Boyle as the patient with “green sickness,” Cameryn Manheim is an orgasm-obsessed friend of Fonda’s who loves bicycles for the “pleasure” they give on long rides. Colm Meany is a letch whose health lectures are just a pretense for getting into women’s pants. And Alexander Slanksnis plays a Russian with an awful flatulent problem, but since nobody can understand what he is saying the guest all call him “Mr. Unpronounceable” (his shocking demise is so funny it will leave you in tears.) The movie also contains one of the most catchy soundtracks ever recorded. It’s inspired use of kazoos to hum the main melody adds just the right tone of insanity to the mayhem.

Regarding nudity, there is more hinted at here than seen, but what is on film (mostly Fonda with quick glimpses of Boyle, Lind, and Manheim) and considering the subject matter, it is not exploitative in the least. Just women having conversations in a health clinic while draped (or undraped) on a massage table or in a sauna. What could be more natural?

My only disappointment, as I said, is the last reel. “The San,” burning to the ground, Will’s sudden announcement he is cured, and Ossining’s easy escape from the paddy wagon all seem a bit too convenient a plot device. I know this movie isn't everyone's cup of tea, but if you have lingered over the shopping networks as they advertise gadgets that will give you a new body in three weeks of six minutes a day - you'll probably like this film.

Regarding the DVD package, don't be fooled by the “Bonus Trailers” (which are all for other movies) and the other “Special Features.” The current release is in “full screen” presentation, not “letterbox.” There are also no narrative tracks, also a major disappointment.


Review by Gary Mussell, SCNA Film Critic
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